Third grade put downs and other life lessons

I grew up in a home where there was a lot of laughter — usually at my mother or my expense, and usually after a zinger delivered by my too-smart-for-his-own-good older brother.

This upbringing helped me develop some life skills that are pretty important:

1)      Know how to be the butt of a joke with grace — I often am the one making myself the staring character.

2)      ALWAYS carry a comeback close at hand.

Now, in the moment, I didn't always love being the punch line. And I threw out my fair share of, "Well…you're a meanie head," comebacks. If you ask my hubby, he'll tell you that my defense in most compromising situations is STILL to throw out some old school name calling that ends in "head" or "face" — meanie head, jerk face, dork face, butt face, stupid head, etc.

Don't you feel insulted just from reading this list?

Now, I don't condone name calling. But, these are some gems so feel free to use them at your discretion. At minimum, they're AWESOME argument diffusers. Who can take a grown up seriously when they're busting out third grade put downs?

I feel like I need to add to my list of "life skills"...

3)      Add "head" or "face" to all name calling. It really ups the ante OR completely destroys your street cred...but life is a gamble so I really think the risk it worthwhile.

So, I guess the moral of the story is to appreciate the things in life that annoy you in the present (like a stupid head older brother) because they'll make you better in the future...and don't forget the lessons you learned in childhood. You never know when a third grade put down will come in handy.

I think I've finally found my calling in life

I think I've finally found my calling in life: To offer parenting advice.

Cue the collective sigh from all my dear readers (especially the parents) who can think of about 1.5 billion other people they'd take parenting advice from before consulting me. However, BEFORE you comment that I have NO RIGHT giving you advice on how to raise your kids and then unsubscribe, hear me out.

I'm not about tell ANYONE what to do with their kids...I merely like to offer suggestions when solicited. And, sure, I'm one part of a DINK (Double Income No Kids) family with no immediate plans to change that status. But, I am also now a proud older sister to 6 (count 'em) siblings whose ages range from 4 to 10.

My parents' house is like a legit parenting experiment…a real life living-learning lab if you will. While I was home over Christmas break, I had the wonderful privilege of testing out some of my parenting gut instincts…and they weren't all half bad.

STORY TIME!!!

My siblings have an amazing knack for losing things that are literally RIGHT in front of their faces. Rather than spend ANY time looking for said missing item, they find my mom and say, "Mom, I can't find **insert missing item**." So, my dearest mom, tells them to look harder, and then she eventually gets up to go find the missing sock, toy, shoe, coat, glasses, dog, etc.

I've witnessed this chain of events more than once, and when my lovely sis (age 5) trotted downstairs lamenting a missing article, I suggested to mom that she charge a "finder's fee." Mom would go upstairs look for the lost item, and if she found it, little sis had to pony up 50 cents of her allowance.

At first explanation of the proposition, my sis blindly agreed to paying for my mother's bloodhound skills, but when mom re-presented the proposition by saying, "So, if I go upstairs and find it, I get 50 cents of your allowance, which means you'll get 50 cents less than your sis (age 4) gets for allowance. Do you want me to go find it or do you want to look a little longer?"

WAIT. PUMP THE BRAKES. Less money than my sister?!? "I'll go look a little longer," she replied. And magically, the lost became found…without the aid of my mother.

So, there you have it. My parenting advice is the bomb!!! From now on you can feel free to message me any questions or concerns, and I'll bust out my amazing parenting guru-ness…but only if you ask. I promise not to be one of THOSE people...you know the ones I'm talking about.

AND...a Diet Nazi update for those who care.

I've lost two pounds since Thursday...all while eating peanut butter m&m's, a cupcake, and a cookie...oh and also while logging "fitness activities" like Wii Bowling, destroying the ice dam at the end of my drive way, light daily housework and playing a Zumba fitness demo. AND this included a 2 pound wight GAIN after day one...yeah, I wasn't impressed. (In light of this, I feel like I can claim a 4 pound weight loss).

Imagine what could've been had I been legit with the plan and exercise. However, I'm feeling less and less HANGRY these days (my hubby might beg to differ), so hopefully I'll be able to stick to the plan a little more now that my body is finally adjusting to the new eating regimen. I'll keep you posted—and all my limbs are still as God intended...uneaten.